What love is . . .

There's a story told of a young teenage girl sitting in her lounge room watching TV when she heard voices in the kitchen. She stood up from the lounge to see what the noise was and saw her mum and dad having a kiss and a cuddle, thinking they were on their own. She just watched them for a while, moved quietly nearer to them, then just stood and watched. When the affectionate couple separated for a moment they spotted their daughter just studying them without saying anything. Dad says to her (a little embarrassed), 'I didn't know you were here. Why are you staring?' She innocently answered with the line from that famous song by the band Foreigner, 'I want to know what love is.'

If she were trying to be funny you could understand the quote. But she wasn't being funny. She revealed what must be a consuming, un-asked question for some; especially our kids - What is Love, really?

If you are a thinking person then there are some things we can rule out:

1. Love isn't sex. By the time a child is out of their teens they must have witnessed hundreds of bedrooms scenes from TV, magazines, Internet, or wherever. They will have put it together that these people are actors or models simply acting a part for profit, or some other reason that was never intended to portray what love really is.

(Sadly, for many young people, Sex has become a currency in our society to barter with; to give and get what you want. And adults are mostly to blame, I believe)

2. Love isn't marriage. Being married doesn't guarantee you're in love with the one you're married to. Again, kids see married people go their separate ways, get divorced, fight like cats and dogs, or live together and not speak to each other for days on end.

3. Love isn't temporary. By this I mean that we are surrounded by a disposable culture. We throw away so many things that once we used to keep for another purpose. Things from cutlery to jewelry to razor blades; from cheap clothing to music to fast food - here one day and gone the next. We read a headline and see some photos of a glamorous couple last week at a holiday resort. Then this week we see another photo and story of them fighting, or accused of being with someone else.

There is a definitive statement in the New Testament that was written in a letter almost 2,000 years ago to Christians throughout the known world. It reads:

This is real love - not that we loved God, but that he loved us . . . " (1 John 4:10 NLT)

In other words, put aside all your ideas about what love is and listen to this! This is the measuring stick! Let's face it, when we think of what love is we look to human love, don't we? We look at how we love and how others love us. The context of this part of the letter describes love as giving, sacrificing, committed, and personal. And the example is Jesus, who willingly and purposefully died so that our sins could be removed, and there would be nothing stopping us from coming to God, pure and forgiven.

What a great opportunity to learn his ways, and teach them to our children.

But to give something away you must first have it yourself.

So how can I 'get' this love? Well, this is where the New Testament breaks it down for us, to help us get a handle on it.

(The first thing we need to do, I believe, is to start being honest with our heavenly father, and connect with him. But I won't go into that here; I've written other blogs to help with that).

In another New Testament letter, written to the church in Corinth, Paul explains how we can start doing love better (1 Cor 13). He writes, Love is patient and kind . .

There you go; when you are patient with someone you are actually showing God's love to them. When you are kind to someone you are showing God's kindness to them.

Can you see how this can be practiced by anyone? Some will make excuses and say, I'm just not a real loving kind of person, it's not one of my strengths. (I don't believe that. If that's you, be careful you don't disobey the greatest commandment of all).

Verse 5 says, Love doesn't demand it's own way. This is another thing anyone can practice. When you are not demanding you are showing God's love.

Again in verse 5, Love keeps no record of being wronged. I think we would all have some stories about this! We know how to keep records, don't we? But the Bible teaches that when you refuse to keep a record you show the love of God.

And so the list goes on in the letter. The last one mentioned is, Love is enduring (verse 7).

Love isn't temporary. That's why the act of committing yourself to love someone thru thick and thin is an act of God's love, and gives them a sense of security that is priceless. It can't be bought for any amount of money! Which is exactly what God did for us, and displayed his love to us in Jesus. He loves us when we are unlovable. His love is enduring. His love is patient with us. He has shown kindness to us. He doesn't keep a record of our wrongs when we come to him and say we're sorry.

All these things can be practiced and fine-tuned by all of us toward each other. At home, at work, at the shopping centre, on the road, etc.

As far as marriage is concerned, when two people are looking out for each other's best interests, and determined to show kindness, and be patient with each other, and don't keep a record of wrongs against each other, then the benefits are simply wonderful. Sex takes on a whole new meaning of togetherness and sharing. And peace in the home can be experienced no matter how much money you have, or how affluent you are.

This is real love - not that we loved God, but that he loved us . . .

Talk soon . . .

Perfection (2) . . .

We've all seen the models on TV and magazines that are presented to us as "perfect". Cosmetics companies, fashion designers, toothpaste adds, and even car sales companies trying to convince us that if we buy their product we'll be beautiful, attractive, and perfect. Apparently if we follow their advice we'll have lots of friends, eat out every night, drive nice cars (unaffected by debt, of course), smile all the time, etc, etc, and life will become a whole lot sweeter for us.

Personally, I believe this sort of crap flies in the face of reality. I mean, you think about it: Do you really want people to like you because of what you wear? Would you like to be accepted in your circle of friends just because your skin is perfect, your hair is shiny, or your butt is just the right size? What happens when you have an accident and your stuck in a hospital bed unable to look after yourself? What about the many, many people who for different reasons can't compete with the flashy television images? Does your worth and value change? Are you less valuable because you don't measure up. I may sound a bit dramatic, but I do feel strongly about this particular subject.

Recently I saw an interview with a young lady named Lizzie Valesquez from Austin, Texas who has an undiagnosed medical condition that only 3 people in the world share. To say she looks very different to your regular glossy magazine bimbo is an understatement! She's in her 20's, and weighs less than 30 kilograms (less than 70 pounds). Apparently she's written a book, and in it she writes,

God made me the way I am for a reason and I would never change that. I lead a normal life as much as possible and deal with the bumps in the road as they come along with my head held high and a smile on my face.

I am not at all sure of her religious leaning, but her book title says it all: 'Lizzie Beautiful'.

As I watched the interview I was amazed at her conviction. It wasn't just some 'positive thinking' facade here. I think she has caught on to something which is rare indeed - she actually confesses, believes, lives, and breathes the idea that true beauty is what you are on the inside.

Judging by the out-pouring of support and encouragement following the TV interview, I think the vast majority of people can relate to her struggle with acceptance, although on different scales. If this is true - that most people believe that true beauty in not what's on the surface - then why do we put up with so much BS from advertising guru's? Would we buy toothpaste based on an advertisement where an "ugly" person with crooked teeth was used?

I also think that Lizzie (and her parents, it seems) has discovered a little-known, life-changing, and mind-blowing truth which has it's origin in the Bible. Around 1000 BC a song of thanks was written to the Lord that says,

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul I am marvelously made. I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. (Psalms 139: 13-15 The message)

Another translation says, "Thankyou for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous-how well I know it."

Can you imagine looking in the mirror at yourself and repeating this? Could you see yourself making these statements about yourself in spite of how you, or how you think others feel about you? This is liberating stuff! Free to be myself; free to be just who I am.

30 years ago Amy Grant wrote a song/prayer that said in part, All I ever have to be is what you made me.

We live under a lot of pressure to conform to other peoples ideas about what we should wear, who we should try to look like, how we should smell, what car we should drive, what alcohol we should drink, etc, etc. Don't you ever feel like breaking the mold and just being yourself (and getting away with it)??

Talk again . . .

Perfection . . .

Perfection can be a scary word, especially if you're thinking about God, and Jesus, and spiritual stuff. There's a scary verse in the New Testament where Jesus tells us, " . . . But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48 NLT). It seems a bit strange when you first read it, because it's a bit like asking me to fly - I just can't do it! Could there be another meaning here that's more reasonable and attainable?

When you look at the Bible and it's accounts of people's lives and their stories you can see their imperfections as well as well as their successes. Is it possible that Jesus is asking us to do something that's impossible to do? I don't think Jesus is asking this.

I know from the standpoint of a parent it is unfair to expect your children to achieve something that's impossible. We all know what it's like to attempt the impossible, and fail. Sure, there are some things that you can get better at with practice, but not perfection! Sometimes when my children were little they would made mistakes and I would punish them. Looking back I can see how wrong that was of me. Accidents happen, and failure is a part of life. I know from my own reading of the scriptures that throughout history God was more than pleased to deal with imperfect people.

No, I don't think that perfection (as we know it) is what he's asking.

This is an extremely important thing to come to grips with. Because if I believe that God wants perfection from me the chances are I won't even bother trying. As I look around me I see that this may be exactly where some people are at. You may be a believer, and you may even follow Jesus' teachings, but you don't even bother trying to relate to God as a loving, compassionate heavenly Father because you think his expectations are just too high for you.

My opinion is that this would be an incredible shame - for you to think that God demanded perfection from you when Jesus was talking about something completely different.

Now, I don't consider myself a Bible scholar, but I do know that this word 'perfect' is better understood when we use the word 'complete'. Just say you were building a model plane and you followed the instructions exactly as they were written. When it's finished it is complete, or perfect.

I think the answer to this 'perfection' is also further explained in the context of Matthew 5. Jesus is teaching thousands of people on the mountainside, and is painting pictures in their minds about who God is and how he relates to us. In these verses (45 - 48) Jesus is challenging an idea which was popular at that time - that you only have to do good to those who do good to you - that you only have to love those who love you in return. For instance, he spoke against retaliation - the idea that I'm going to do to you in return for what you do to me. He spoke about loving your enemies, and about being kind to those who are unkind to you. This was radical stuff in Jesus' time, and just as radical today to some. We live in a world where my rights are far exalted above my responsibilities.

Well here's a thought: what about God's rights? Do you and I deserve his affection and attention? What have you and I done to deserve his kindness? Do we deserve his offer to live forever with him in heaven?

I think this may have been what Jesus was really trying to say here. That God loves us in spite of our imperfections, and we should offer this same undeserved kindness to others. I think he was teaching that this is a perfect attitude, and that we should strive to be like him.

Perfection can be a terrible task-master - a real slave driver for those who desire to be complete and godly. You might need to give yourself a break and stop trying to be something you can't be. I love the statement that says, "It's okay to be fail as long as you yearn to succeed".

Talk soon . . .

A new picture frame . . .

I once saw one of those TV shows where they show you real footage of people doing stupid things caught on camera. There was this lady who had stopped her car on the freeway and decided to get out and walk toward the oncoming traffic. At first glance you would have to agree that this is a silly thing to do. But what if you could get a second glance? What if there was a another story behind this lady's actions?

A producer of this program apparently did some research about the story and found out that the lady had just lost her second child in the space of a few years, and was totally overcome with grief. She had got in her car and just "zoned out" while she was driving, got out of the car, unconscious of her surroundings, and went for a walk.

In his book 'Jesus the fool', Michael Frost talks about a concept he calls, 'Reframing'. It's when you see someone, or something, in a different light to the first time you saw it. In this case the woman was considered to be doing something stupid when we didn't see all the facts. But when you hear about her grief, and the incredible sense of loss she must be feeling, we have compassion on her and understand her predicament a little better. Not too many of us have lost 2 children to sickness, but most of us can appreciate that it would bring a terrible strain on your emotions. This is called 'Reframing' her story.

When it comes to God, I believe that he did some 'reframing' with us as human beings. In the New Testament in Romans 5 verse 6 it says that 'Jesus Christ died for us at a time when we were helpless and sinful' (cev). Some think that God sits in the heavens on a big throne just waiting to punish us with a big stick when we get it wrong. But I don't believe this. We all have a story. We all have a bunch of history, and things that have shaped us and made us who we are today. Some of our past is good, some of it is nasty, and some of it is best left in the past where it belongs. The past events of our lives shape us, and mould us into who we've become, and much of it has been out of our control. Like the woman in this story: she could do nothing to save her children, but it shaped her life from the moment she lost them. It would be wrong of us to think she could simply continue on as normal as before. This, I believe, is how God sees us - helpless. Today this word means you're a loser; but what it really means is that you simply cannot do anything to help yourself! And I think this is exactly where God wants us - so that He can help us. Again in the NT in Hebrews 4 verse 15 the Bible describes Jesus like this: Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are . . . And then in verse 16, So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.

I do believe that God frames our stories perfectly, and understands our helplessness. Read it again: does this sound like the angry judge I mentioned earlier? I think that some of us have our picture of God totally screwed up.

Maybe we can do something positive about this and 'reframe' our concept of who God is. I believe that he is compassionate toward us, and is touched by our failures and weaknesses.

Talk soon . . .

Am I OK with God . . . ?

Sometimes I think that our search for life's meaning, and spiritual satisfaction could be summed up in the question: Does God like me? Imagine if God showed up in the middle of your working day and said, Hey, do you know that I really like you? For me, I know that it would grab my attention immediately. I have heard all my life that he "loves" me; (songs like Jesus loves the little children, etc) but the word like seems to suggest more than an obligation to put up with me. And let me tell you, sometimes I feel like God has to put up with a lot from me. My thoughts stink at times; sometimes my attitude towards others is best kept inside my head; many times I don't want to do the good things I know I should do. And this is just to name a few of my struggles. I imagine if we had a complaints forum online (maybe there is one) we would have a multitude of personal struggles and self-loathings listed! And for many of us who believe there is a personal God somewhere the question that concerns us is, Am I OK with God?
I continually come back to something that Jesus said, and that I've written here before. In fact, it's the whole reason for this blog. It's found in the New Testament in Matthew 12: 28-30.

Come to me, all of you who are tired and are carrying heavy loads. I will give you rest. Become my servants and learn from me. I am gentle and free of pride. You will find rest for your souls. Serving me is easy, and my load is light. (NIRV)

I am totally convinced of the fact that God likes me. And I also believe Jesus' words when he said in John 14 that he came to show us exactly what God is like. Take another look at his words above: Serving me is easy, and my load is light. Is serving God and Jesus a chore for you? Do you find the load too heavy in your service for Jesus? Are you continually plagued with questions about his love for you, or acceptance of you? Do you fall in and out of love for the Lord all the time? (He doesn't fall in and out of love for you!) Listen to God's words written to his people 2,500 years ago:
I love you people with a love that will last forever. That is why I have continued showing you kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3 NCV)
As far as I am concerned these are words to live by; words to base my whole life on. If you answer yes to some of the above questions, then you may be relating to God as a servant or slave, and not as a son or daughter. As a slave you will experience continual weariness in your service for him. But as a son or daughter you can enjoy all the benefits of the palace - especially the pleasure of knowing his pleasure for you.
Talk soon . . .

Out of Control . . . 3

In Matthew 14 in the New Testament there’s another example of someone being “out of control”. This time it’s the big fisherman named Peter who’s the central character, but I think he’s O.K. with the situation.
Once again a boatload of Jesus’ followers is doing what he’d told them to do: sailing to the other side of The Sea of Galilee. (He told them he would see them on the other side). And once again the weather turns nasty a few hours into the trip, and the men are struggling to keep the boat afloat.
Someone looks up above the distant waves and sees what he thinks is a ghost moving toward them on top of the water. For a few minutes they’re terrified, until the “Ghost” calls out to them. He says 3 things:
1. Don’t be afraid
2. It’s me
3. Be courageous
Who was it? Or what was this thing, saying, Don’t be afraid, it’s me?
If you know the end of this story, then switch your knowledge off for a moment. Now try and put yourself in the boat with these men. To see someone walking on water must have played with their senses. Try it: we all know that it can’t be done! You could say that their predictable world just became unpredictable. On a similar occasion when Jesus calmed a stormy sea someone said quietly, Who is this man who can do these things?
Personally, I don’t think we do unpredictable very well. Generally speaking I think that we like to know when and how things are going to happen. We like to be in control. But tell me: how is a supernatural God going to get your attention if you think he is entirely predictable?
If we were there in the boat that day we would have heard Jesus say, in his language, “The I Am is here”. In other words, Jesus was saying, I am in total control of the water, the boat, the waves, and the outcome. And I’m here. But you need to trust me, and not be afraid. In fact, he didn’t just say don’t be afraid, but he also said, be courageous. I think that means going on the offensive! Act and speak like you’re not afraid. Let your talk be like Jesus is in control.
Now Peter is about to put his own faith to the test. After Jesus says this, Peter calls out, Lord if it’s really you then call me to come out to you on the water. (I think that I’ve heard this story so many times it’s lost its ‘wonder’ factor). This is an amazing request when you think about it. Don’t miss the amazing, incredible, and ridiculous thing he’s saying. He wants to get out of the boat and walk on the water! You and I may have heard this story many times but for Peter this is a first, I’m sure! He is actually requesting an ‘out of control’ experience.
I don’t know what Peter’s personal life was like, but I can’t help but wonder if he was simply fed up with the mundane, predictable, day to day experiences that made up his life? I wonder if his unspoken prayer was something like: Jesus, I’m tired of the predictable. If you call me – If I hear you say my name, I’m going to get out of a perfectly good boat and walk with you on top of the water.
We can’t know for sure what was going on in his head, but we do know that Jesus did call him, and Peter did get out of the boat, and did walk on top of the water.
This blog has nothing to do with telling people to try walking on water, but it has everything to do with doing what Jesus is inviting you to do. If you don’t believe Jesus is who he said he was then this isn’t for you. But if you are a believer then you may need to realise that Jesus may be inviting you to get “out of control”, and out of your depth, because he himself might be waiting for you in the stormy weather. You may have to answer the question: Do I want to stay 'safe', or do I want to be where Jesus is?
Talk soon . . . dmd

Out of Control . . . 2

The most terrifying thing for a sailor or fisherman is to be lost at sea, or being at the mercy of a violent storm. This is what happened to some of Jesus’ friends, recorded in Mark chapter 4 in the New Testament. It doesn’t get more out of control than that. In this account there are several boats that have gone to sea in good sailing conditions, only to find that the weather turns nasty. Try and put yourself in their position, not knowing the end of the story. The people in these boats have an idea that Jesus is someone a bit different to them, but they haven’t seen him in this environment before. To put it briefly, these are experienced fishermen who have sailed these waters their whole lives, and now they are terrified of drowning.
Most of us have had thoughts about drowning. When I was a kid I used to say that if it happened to me I would hold my breath and die on my own terms rather than drown. But then I’d think, what if I get out of this? I’d want to be conscious, wouldn’t I? Strange thoughts I know, but it does highlight the whole ‘wanting to be in control’ thing. Many of us are born with our fists clenched, apparently, and it seems that we are born determined to take control right from the start of our lives. Just like the Westlife song goes, “I want to live”.
The most interesting thing about this whole event is that Jesus sleeps thru the whole thing. He’s the one who suggested they sail to the other side of the lake in the first place! Question: Why do we so quickly panic when things appear to be out of control? If Jesus has promised to never leave us why do we spin out, thinking that life is going to drown us?
Think about your own children. We raise them to eventually stand on their own two feet and not depend on us in every situation, don’t we? So how will a kid learn to swim without knowing the feeling of being out of control in an uncertain environment? They can’t, of course. You can’t leave someone in the classroom to learn to swim! Eventually you have to get in the water and face the fear of drowning.
Again let me ask the question: If Jesus has promised to never leave us why do we panic when situations terrify us? I’m going to suggest that the answer is simple: We don’t trust him. Either we don’t trust him that he’ll never leave us, or we don’t trust that he can look after us. Either way it’s a test of our faith in his promise – I think it’s that simple.
If this describes you then I think that it’s important to stop for a moment and consider this. You can’t simply go on from here and keep living the way you do because life will continue to dish up uncertainties and storms. It was Jesus who said, "The truth will set you free". So tell the truth. Ask yourself: Jesus, do I really trust you? Have I learned to live without you? Is my life full of 'things' that I can control to the point where I really don’t need you at all?
These are confronting questions I know. But they are at the very core of your Christianity. If I lost my health, my freedom, my friends, my Bible, my job; would I spin out and lose my faith completely? Or would I be able to take a quick look around, and although Jesus may appear to be asleep somewhere, know that he is with me, and that he will never me?

Talk soon. . . dmd